I am now afraid of my to-do list...

With only 53 days left to go until the wedding and still needing to finish my job, find an apartment, pack, and move between now and then in addition to all the remaining wedding tasks, I am feeling overwhelmed!! I know it will all get done, but these days I am afraid to look at my to-do list because I know that there are so many things that need to get done like NOW! The likelihood of out-of-town bags and favors diminishes every day...



On a totally different subject, I apologize for the lack of pictures lately. For whatever reason, I have gotten out of the habit of taking photos myself (I sealed up our second to last invitation and totally forgot to take a picture of the liner to post!) and although I still enjoy looking at pretty wedding photos, they no longer provide the inspiration for me that they once did. Now, I see something pretty but I know its not what we are going to do, so I think "oh that's lovely" and quickly move on. So, that's why you haven't many photos around lately. I am trying to work on it because I know they make my blog oh so much prettier for your viewing pleasure!

I will be married soon...

I took Friday off to attend a wedding in Newport Beach, California with my fiance. It was awesome--I think I really needed a mini-vacation. My my fiance's dad's cousin's grandson (not sure what that technical relationship is called) was getting married and my fiance was a groomsman. It was really neat to meet some future (attenuated) relatives. For some reason it gave me some much needed perspective about why I am really looking forward to being married. Sometimes our wedding feels like the capstone to my youth. That once we are married we have to start being "grown up" and that it will symbolize the end of some things in my life that I have really cherished (independence!) and we will now start to get "old." Which is true to some extent. But at this wedding for some reason I really felt how excited I am to have my own family with my fiance and our (hopefully) future children. I am also really looking forward to getting a whole new family to learn about, love, and with whom to share our joys and sorrows. Although I will never have another wedding, I am looking forward to all the new experiences marriage will bring. Including, hopefully, the wedding of our children and grandchildren. So, right now I am more excited about the adventure that will be our life together and less sad about my single life that I am leaving behind. I feel nearly, almost ready to be married. (And just in time, I think we have about 54 days left!).

Wedding Reception Activities

During our wedding reception, we are going to have several activities--croquet and bocce ball outside on the lawn. We are also going to have a video guest book inside.

Recently, we thought about doing an auction/ raffle as well. But I've been reading up on it online and the general consenus seems to be that it would be tacky. Our idea was to sell raffle tickets that to benefit a charity. Then having a selection of items that people can try to win that have significance to us: so, for example, our guide book from Hawaii with book marks of what we did and funny stories from our trip, the box from the bottle of champagne that honey gave me that I saved for almost a year (it even moved with me) before we drank it the night we got engaged and a bottle of champange, a framed engagement photo of us. Each will have a jar where people can put their raffle tickets for a chance to win the item. The idea is to have something inexpensive, but symbolic, along with a little story about us. Hence, it would more about getting people involved in a fun way to read about our relationship, then about making money or winning a cool prize.

Tacky? Or creative and fun?

Remember to Breathe

We had a wonderful long weekend and got most of our invitations done--envelopes addressed and lined and stuffed!! I haven't taken any pictures yet, so I'll have to update tomorrow. We are still waiting on our return address stamp that we ordered from Paperwink to get them out the door, but it should arrive this weekend, so we are looking good :)

Also, I wanted to send along this link with the reminder that breathing is a great way to help you get centered and deal with stress and feeling overwhelmed. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed in the midst of wedding planning--with sometimes towering to do lists, dealing with families who don't "get" your wedding planning, and the fact that soon you will be a "wife"--but simply breathing can help keep you grounded, centered, and calm.

Musings on Marriage

As a mindful bride, I have spent a lot of time thinking about (and worrying about) my upcoming marriage. Will we be happily married? How do we make sure that we have a loving supportive marriage? I really like reading the Simple Marriage website because it offers such interesting insights on how to have a good marriage.

What resources have you found helpful when contemplating your upcoming marriage?

Wear Life Loosely

"The Law of Detachment says that in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it." - Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

"If we simply saw life as a loose garment, something we drape around ourselves but are not firmly attached to, we would find it easier to live. I feel more comfortable living this way, as if life were something I could slip out of at any moment. It seems to help me focus on the important things instead of the details that mean little." - Dr. Bernie S. Siegel, 365 Prescriptions for the Soul

My yoga instructor read this to us at the beginning of class last week and I immediately thought of its relevance to wedding planning. It is so easy to become so attached to every detail that we forget to focus on the important things. Thinking of my wedding as a loose fitting garment instead of the definition of our life or future marriage helps decrease my anxiety that it won't perfectly reflect who we are. Instead, we just need to focus on the important aspects and remember that the rest is just the garment that we dress the day, the occassion in.

Taking a Break from the Usually Scheduled Wedding Blogging to Bring You a Message from..

Planet Earth

Did you know that there is a giant vortex of waste (mostly plastic) floating in the Pacific Ocean between Hawaii and San Francisco? It is estimated that it is larger than the state of Texas and may even be larger than the United States!! Because plastic isn't biodegradeable, every piece of plastic that has ended up in the ocean is still there. As a result of currents, the plastic that doesn't sink has collected in this area in the Pacific Ocean. Over time it breaks up into smaller pieces that marine life mistakes for food. It ends up killing many of these animals and also gets into the food chain. And this plastic continent is growing everyday.

The good news, it looks like Project Kaisei is doing something about it! But we could all do more by being more mindful about what we buy and remembering to take reusable bags with us to the store.

For more information about this growing threat to our planet, you can go here, and here or just search plastic vortex pacific ocean in Google.

Weird Love

Via Erin Ever After via Rockstar Diaries

You've likely seen this before, but it's worth re-posting. Happy Monday!

Black Pencil Skirt

Do you have one item of clothing that you adore above all others? I do. My black pencil skirt. I almost didn't buy it because it didn't have a matching jacket. But, even so, I wear it every week (and sometimes, when I am feeling lazy twice a week, don't tell). I love it--it's flattering, it goes with everything, you can dress it up or down. All it needs is a great pair of shoes. So, what's your favorite item of clothing (other than your wedding dress, of course)?

My fiance spoils me

I just got back from lunch and these beauties (courtesy of the fiance) were waiting for me. Beautiful. I am so lucky to have such a sweet and thoughtful future husband :)

This should be good for a laugh

Or maybe I'm the only one who finds it funny. The fiance started a wiki for us (using PBwiki) to organize our world travel plans and ideas. We also started using it to organize our wedding to do list (does this make us REALLY BIG nerds?). It has worked really well to divide wedding task responsibility and maintain communication over the distance. Plus we see what the other has done and it keeps us motivated. So, I sent my sweetie an e-mail with some of the thoughts in my post yesterday. For some reason, despite reading this sentiment again and again, it finally sunk in: we need to stop obsessing about this being our "wedding." We just needed to let that go and plan a party--except with a lot more guests and a big poofy white dress (okay, maybe not big and poofy). This thought was like an epiphany to me. I have been trying to figure out how to do "weddingy" stuff, but in our own unique way. Whatever that means!! It is so much easier to just drop the pressure, stress, and associations that come when you use the word "wedding" (even when you are just talking to yourself). Anyway, the fiance was totally on board with this and even added a "mission statement" to our wiki page with our wedding to do list. He made up this slogan for us: "Ask yourself WWWRND ("What Would We Really Normally Do?")." And that folks, I think is good for a laugh! (Or maybe you are just laughing because we use a wiki to track our wedding to do list).

Love and Weddings

I apologize for my lack of posting lately. It is a direct result of trying to be more focused at work and spending less time reading blogs, finding inspiration, and posting about my thoughts. My evenings have also been more busy because I am trying to get into some kind of work out routine. It's also because we haven't made very many wedding decisions lately--we picked out our invitations (the ones via Paper Source I discussed below), but still no dress or bridesmaid dresses. And, it's also because, in light of my friends' sad tragedy, it has been difficult to get excited about the superficial details. Let's face it, I haven't been much into the details to begin with (see, e.g., the steak knives) and now they just seem to pale in comparison to the really important stuff--love, family, and friends. I feel indulgent and shallow spending time and energy on what is, at the end of the day, a party for me (and my beloved). Then I rationalize: a wedding is important (eloping has never been a serious option for us because (a) getting married in a Church is important to me, (b) community is an important part of a marriage--through marriage we assume a different status in our community and ask our community to support us on our marraige journey, and (c) celebrating life and love is a really good thing) and there are decisions that need to be made, even if they are superficial, because people need to eat and they need to drink and they need to have somewhere to sit or stand... and the list goes on. So, there we are. We are getting married. We are having a wedding. And we need to figure out the "stuff." Meg wrote a great post the other day on details. She said that if "we strive to create a wedding that reflects who we are and what we value, we will, without trying, create details that will form an indelible impression in our guests minds, details that will be a gift." Great!* But how do I figure out who we are and what we value? It just doesn't seem so simple. I cannot for the life of me figure out what "details" we have inadvertantly created. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. As a hostess I go WAY WAY overboard (I have admitted to being a perfectionist before, right?). And we simply cannot afford go overboard for our wedding (not enough time or money or energy). So, it is nearly impossible to reflect my (and our) method of entertaining--too much yummy homemade food and beverages--at our wedding. Or can we....

* And I really do mean great despite my subsequent whining. Meg's posts are insightful and honest and I totally agree with the sentiment and the concept, but just needed to voice my frustration in the context of my (our) individual journey to create a wedding that... feels good to us in spite of it being a giant money pit

Reasons why families are important...

My friends lost their dear sweet baby boy this weekend. Today, my thoughts and prayers are with them and their families. If you are reading this, please say a little prayer for them or just send some good thoughts their way.

Thinking on it...

From here

As it turns out, I will not be starting my new job in October or November, but in January or March... or next fall (with a paid stipend). So, what do I do? This decision seems so full of opportunity and possibility and it scares me. It's also frustrating because it delays our plan to get married and begin our new settled married life together. Today wedding planning is being shoved to the backburner and I am working and creating a wish list of things I would like to do with this time off. If you had the opportunity to make a small, but manageable salary (without going to work) for six months or a year, how would you use that time?

Reading Wedding Blogs may Improve your Work Productivity!

I know I am not the only one who feels... guilty... for spending time reading wedding blogs while I should be working. That's why I had to post a link to One Barefoot Bride's post on an Austrailian University study that concludes that Workplace Internet Leisure Browsing ("WILB") may actually increase productivity!! So, here's to guilt-free blog-reading (at least if you keep it to 20% or less of your workday).

Finding Balance

Woman Holding a Balance by Jan Vermeer found here

As you may have guessed from the title of this blog, I aspire to live my life mindfully. To me, that means making decisions consciously and being present to enjoy life. I have found that terrifically hard to do in my present circumstances. Planning a wedding makes it difficult to live in the present because so much time and energy gets sucked into planning one day in the future. There is also the mental, emotional, and spirtual preparation my fiance and I have engaged in to prepare ourselves for married life. There is also the temporariness of my job, friends, and living situation because I am only here in Memphis for a year. This makes this year feel even more like a time of transition instead of my actual settled life. This feeling is only compounded by living in a transient place while planning a wedding. And, on top of that, my love is many many miles away. Sometimes I do believe the old adage that "home is where the heart is" and my heart lives no where near my home. It is difficult having such an important part of my life not actually present in my life. It makes it very easy to be disconnected from my present circumstance and to discount all the experiences that I am enjoying now because I am so busy preparing for my wedding, my marriage, and being together with my fiance. I am just waiting and preparing but not necessarily living. Or perhaps that is wrong, perhaps I need to appreciate that some periods in life are about waiting and preparing and that that doesn't make them any less your life. After reading Whitney of Darling Dexter's Contemplation Series: Step Away from the Computer, I realized that I was also seeking balance. Balance between the present and the future. Balance between missing my fiance and enjoying my single life in Memphis. Have you gotten caught in this trap while planning your wedding? How have you dealt with it successfully?

Bonus St. Patrick's Day Post

Aww... I just got a no-reason-except-I-love-you present from my sweetie. Pretty greeen earrings appropriate for St. Patrick's Day and to celebrate 180 days until we are wed along with a lovely card. I am truly a lucky girl with a wonderful fiance.

When we fight with the one we love

This is a picture of my honey over Thanksgiving--as you can tell, he was dressed for dinner but still downstairs hanging out playing video games with the kids. I love this picture. My sweetheart is not perfect (thank God!). He is a kid at heart, which means that he is fun and sweet and loving and trusting. But, he can also be, err... irresponsible. So, when I ask him to do wedding-related stuff, sometimes it doesn't get done on time without me checking in a couple times. Which is, annoying. Anyway, this combined with long distance and stress I've been under at work led to a pretty nasty fight on Saturday. Not fun. But, in the end we were able to talk about things that had been bothering us, so we, at least, got something productive out of it. I know that getting married will not fix any of the issues we have now and that we will have a whole new set of difficulties to deal with when we actually see each other every day. It's something we look forward to now, but my sweetie likes to tease that it won't take long before we are sick of each other and desperately trying to find out what happened to our alone time. I know we'll be okay if I keep in mind that what I love most about my future husband is also what drives me the most crazy. Oh! And to remember not to sweat the small stuff (and that it's mostly small stuff).

What does it mean to be a "wife"?

So, one of the hardest things for me in contemplating the fact that I will be married in six months is the idea of becoming a "wife." I will be someone's wife. Being a sister or a daughter hasn't felt like such a defining label. I couldn't imagine being anyone's wife but my sweetie's, but still. In part its that getting married involves giving up your independence, something that I have always cherished (if you talk to my parents they will tell you that I tried to win my independence from them way before my time). I am looking forward to all the positives of being married. For us that includes seeing each other every day. I really hope that we aren't approaching this whole married things with rose-colored glasses. We acknowledge, for example, that being around each other much more than we have become accustomed to seeing each other will (at times) drive both of us a little crazy. But I still am struggling with the idea of becoming a wife--a new and scary creature. Part of me recognizes that this is silly. That I will still be me and that my honey will still be my honey after the wedding. Perhaps it's that I feel like being a wife involves more responsibility, which I don't quite feel up to. Perhaps it's the perfectionist in me that knows that despite how hard I try, I will fail from time to time to be a "good wife," whatever that means and that is scared at failing. Maybe I just need to come up with a new word instead of wife that I might be more comfortable with... any thoughts on what that might be?

Love

Image by Heather of We Met in a Bar

I know that we are way past Valentine's Day, but I had the opportunity to reflect a little bit on love this past weekend. It was the first time I had seen my honey since Valentine's Day weekend. We have only been able to see each other one weekend every three weeks since the New Year and it's just plain difficult. It always takes a while to build intimacy and get used to the fact that we are actually together. And sometimes it feels like as soon as we get to that happy comfortable place it's time to leave again. Which brings me to my reflection on love. I have this preconcieved notion that because we don't see each other very often, when we do, we should act and feel very intensely in love. Like I should always want to be smooching him or staring dreamily into his eyes. And I don't. Sometimes I just feel comfortable like the way you felt cuddled up with your blankey. It's just the comfort of spending time with my best friend. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of smooching. I just mean that I enjoy our time together the most when I am not pressuring myself to feel or act like a star-crossed lover. Perhaps none of this is surprising in any way to anyone reading this. But for me it's an adjustment--loving in a peaceful comfortable way instead of an intense all-consuming way. And accepting that even though I don't feel intensely in love with my fiance all the time, that doesn't mean we need to re-examine our decision to get married. At least someone else agrees with me:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. "
-- Captain Corelli's Mandolin