Monday, February 23, 2009

Reason #1 Why I am a "Bad" Bride: I just don't care about the steak knives


I have been thinking about writing this post for a while and decided to go ahead and write it after reading Sara's post today. I met with a day of coordinator the other day who told me how the better she knows us and our wedding, the more she can help us make sure the day goes as we planned. (Sounds reasonable, so far.) The example she proceeded to tell us was about a bride who hated the steak knives at the hotel where they were having the reception. So, when the caterer ran out of steak knives and the hotel volunteered to provide some of there's, the DOC could say that was not a good solution. (How they resolved this problem, I don't know.) I just didn't get it. I couldn't care less what our steak knives look like. (In fact, I am not even going to have steak knives!) I left the meeting and asked my fiance, "am I a bad bride because I just don't care about the steak knives?" He laughed and said "no" and, I suspect, he was thinking how grateful he was that I don't. But, nevertheless, I still felt like I wasn't as bride-y as I should be; that somehow the fact that I don't really care about these details is a "problem." Despite the wonderful support on the internet (see in particular here, here, and here), it's still hard not to succomb to the feeling that when you are a "bride" you are supposed to live for every detail of your wedding. This is just not true when there are so many more important things to be focused on, e.g., preparing for marriage. For us, we have been trying to decide where we will live and whether my career or his should take precedence (not something easy to negotiate and with potential long-lasting implications if not dealt with well). My fiance and I have jobs/ job offers in two different cities and after my failed attempt to get a job where he is now living and working, we have been dealing with what we should do. Should we move for my job? Where we will begin our life together as husband and wife just seems much more important than the steak knives or, really, any detail about our wedding.
So, thank you to all the wonderful future brides and past brides who blog about these things and help me feel normal for not obsessing on every detail of my wedding. In spite of your efforts, it's still not always easy, so I can only imagine how hard and terrifying this process would be without your support.

5 comments:

Kristy said...

I just found you via your comment on Sara's blog. And you sound a lot like I do - I don't care about the steak knives, either!

My fiance and I live in different cities, and he has tried to find a job where I live with no success. Technically, I could do my job from anywhere with an internet connection, and my BlackBerry, but I don't know if my boss will be too keen on my moving and continuing to work. Hopefully I'll get to talk to him this week about it...

Good luck with the whole job situation. I know it's really hard, especially right now.

a mindful bride said...

Kristy - Congratulations on your engagement! Thanks for your comment. The job situation is frustrating and I am sure it is affecting many couples. As hard as it is to be making such a big decision right now, I also think that it is good practice for so much to come in life. And, I hope that this change of plans will bring something new and exciting that we couldn't have planned for.

Maggie Mayer said...

I don't care about the steak knives either! (: Problem is, when you start shelling out hard earned $ for stuff, you start focusing on things you never even thought about before. If not careful, I can find myself really obsessing and losing perspective. I fluctuate between meticulously and joyfully crafting and obsessively staying awake nights trying to come up with solutions for wedding challenges. Esp. in this economy it's tough. Even DIY projects get expensive if we are not careful. Sorry for the long comment, just wanted to let you know there are more (of us) out there! We just need to keep perspective, like you said, and support each other. Cheers, and good luck!--Maggie

elizabeth said...

Yay for 'bad' brides! I couldn't care less about steak knives, either. I'm somewhat afraid of meeting with any official coordinators, because they might start telling me about all kinds of stuff I didn't know I needed... Stay strong!

sera said...

Freakin' steak knives?!? If the bride was that focused on the venues steak knives, she has OCD and too much time on her hands. If I hate the steak knives (although we would never choose steak so...) or the flatware or the wine glasses that my venue is providing (thank god for not having to rent all that crap!) then I WON'T BUY THEM for my house. I don't bring my own flatware to a restaurant for dinner, even if they suck and I like the food, why would I start just because it's "my day?" (I hate that expression by the way.)

Thanks for the post!