Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Finding Balance

Woman Holding a Balance by Jan Vermeer found here
As you may have guessed from the title of this blog, I aspire to live my life mindfully. To me, that means making decisions consciously and being present to enjoy life. I have found that terrifically hard to do in my present circumstances. Planning a wedding makes it difficult to live in the present because so much time and energy gets sucked into planning one day in the future. There is also the mental, emotional, and spirtual preparation my fiance and I have engaged in to prepare ourselves for married life. There is also the temporariness of my job, friends, and living situation because I am only here in Memphis for a year. This makes this year feel even more like a time of transition instead of my actual settled life. This feeling is only compounded by living in a transient place while planning a wedding. And, on top of that, my love is many many miles away. Sometimes I do believe the old adage that "home is where the heart is" and my heart lives no where near my home. It is difficult having such an important part of my life not actually present in my life. It makes it very easy to be disconnected from my present circumstance and to discount all the experiences that I am enjoying now because I am so busy preparing for my wedding, my marriage, and being together with my fiance. I am just waiting and preparing but not necessarily living. Or perhaps that is wrong, perhaps I need to appreciate that some periods in life are about waiting and preparing and that that doesn't make them any less your life. After reading Whitney of Darling Dexter's Contemplation Series: Step Away from the Computer, I realized that I was also seeking balance. Balance between the present and the future. Balance between missing my fiance and enjoying my single life in Memphis. Have you gotten caught in this trap while planning your wedding? How have you dealt with it successfully?


Kelley at My Island Wedding said...

It sounds like you are in a different situation than most brides to be planning their wedding. Being so far from your fiance, and in this temporary job.... and your heart is in a whole different part of the world.

That must be so hard. I guess the only consolation is that before you know it, you will have what you have waited for for so long.

Your post was so eloquent and reflective..., and mindful.

My thoughts are with you..., hang in there ok???

elizabeth said...

I think a huge project like this (planning a wedding) exerts a gravitational pull that throws everything else off balance. I feel like everything is sucked into the vortex that is wedding planning.

It's like having another brand-new job, with an elusive boss and no employee manual.

Regular exercise, sleep and vitamins have been key for me, but otherwise, no words of wisdom beyond Step Away from the Computer, as you said; one day at a time; this too shall pass :)

sera said...

While I am lucky enough to be planning my wedding after having been through what you are going through, believe me when I say that I do understand. I spent the majority of two years in a different city from my love because of school. It was a very difficult time for me and for us as a couple, but we survived it, and now, we've decided to marry (yay!).

One benefit I think you have that I didn't, is that you have a prize that is more than a goal waiting for you at the end - a wedding and a marriage.

I think in the crazy planning process it's easy to lose sight of what we're doing all of this for, so I applaud you on your strength and thoughtfulness.

How long once you return to Chicago will you have until the big day?

p.s. I second the motion on vitamins and exercise, they helped me immensely.